I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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