you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sober January is a disaster.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
