he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
