i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
