I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
