Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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