I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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