whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
