she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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