He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
