There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
