So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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