I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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