Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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