Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
