I can tuck mytits in my pants
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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