hotel room ftw
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
