i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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