so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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