I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize