He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
