dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
