Jerry, you need to find god
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
