god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Farmville is her only friend.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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