I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
