He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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