he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
