How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
