Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
