you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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