I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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