He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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