i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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