remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
