I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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