You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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