Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
