how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
