It's like God shit irony all over that family
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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