His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
