Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
