fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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