why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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