No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
