the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
