??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
