genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
