it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
