need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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