Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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