Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
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It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize