Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
