You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
