does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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