I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
