went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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