u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
