Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
