I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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