Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
