living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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