I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize